"Dance War" Fights a Losing Battle

Lindsay Live | Jan 15, 2008 | there are 0 comments

Photo credit: Bob D'Amico / AP

I had high hopes for "Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann," the six-week "Dancing with the Stars" spin-off. But Monday night's performance was a huge disappointment, proving that initial reviews were far too lenient on this poorly conceived, all fluff no substance reality dance show.

"Dance War" faces a variety of un-fixable problems:

1. Kitsch. "Dance War" doesn't just have kitschy moments, everything about this show is dripping in kitsch. From the costuming to the choreography and the set pieces, the viewer is bombarded with the kind of over-the-top fluff that makes "spirit fingers" look subdued. The contestants look more like cruise ship dancers than the nation's best up-and-coming performing artists. "Dance War" is stuck in some kind of weird early 1990s time-warp, unsure of what it wants to be and so completely out of touch with 2008. Simply put, the kitsch factor on which this show entirely relies is not just outdated, it's insulting to anyone who knows there's more to dance than sequins and hair tossing.

2. Lack of dance knowledge. After a group of girls attempted to performed a Sweet Charity inspired routine to "The Beat Goes On," the host, Drew Lachey, commented that the dance was a throw back to "Austin Powers." I gasped in horror, appalled that a fictional character had just been given credit for some of the most innovative choreography of the 20th century. I am certain that Bob Fosse was rolling in his grave. Throughout the show, it became apparent that neither Bruno nor Carrie Ann seemed to possess any true understanding of the technical aspects of dance.

3. Lame and Monotonous Choreography. "So You Think You Can Dance" is so much fun to watch because the dancers are required to perform in a new style every week. In comparison, "Dance War" is flat, boring, and monotonous; every single routine looks like a more cheese-filled carbon copy of the one that preceded it. There is no element of surprise, creativity, or innovation in any dance number. In fact, the routines look as if they came straight out of a local dance school's annual recital. Although some numbers attempted to channel well-known choreographers like Michael Jackson, my focus and attention began to drift after the second routine due to lack of originality and artistic integrity.

4. The Paula Abdul effect. The amateur performers are continually given glowing feedback from both Bruno and Carrie Ann for doing work that is mediocre at best. Whereas "Idol" judge Paula Abdul was simply too nice to be candid with criticism, Bruno and Carrie Ann just don't seem to care enough to give worthwhile advice. Or they are oblivious. Whatever the reason, their inability to get in touch with their inner Simon leaves the show feeling shallow, ineffective, and just plain blah. "Dance War" is far too peaceful and uneventful for it's name.

Overall, "Dance War" was an utter disappointment, but at least I gave the spin-off a try despite the plethora of bad press it has accumulated since it aired two weeks ago. So, will I be tuning in again next Monday evening? Nah. I think ABC's "Dance War" already lost the battle with me.